


Reignited

by StarscreamSimp



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Injury Recovery, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Past Relationship(s), Self-Harm, Sleepy Cuddles, Starscream being Starscream, rescued by teddy bear megatron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:35:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27075094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarscreamSimp/pseuds/StarscreamSimp
Summary: Skyfire left Starscream and the Decepticons. The Seeker did not handle it well. Megatron comes and rescues him from a dark place- a place where Starscream can't escape the inner workings of his own mind.// tw: please read tags <3 thanks so much
Relationships: (Past) Skyfire/Starscream, Megatron/Starscream (Transformers)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 49





	Reignited

It wasn’t his fault.

He kicked the wall again. Harder. The metal from his pede echoed in the small room, and he stared at the insignificant dent in the wall.

It _wasn’t_ his fault.

Frustrated, he brought his servos up to his helm, covering his audial receptors to try and block the voices.

_You’re not the same Starscream._

_You’re different._

_You’re not the Starscream I loved._

Starscream shut his optics tightly to prevent them from welling up. He fell down to his knees, releasing a scream as he clutched his helm tightly. The voices stopped, if even for a few kliks.

The seeker’s vents widened as he panted, trying to rid himself of excess heat pent up from his state.

Starscream opened his optics, wiping coolant from the corners as he breathed deeply. He placed his servos on his knees and stared at the plain, purple flooring.

For a moment, he dazed out. The purple flooring served as a base for the earth skies he’d explored long ago with him.

He heard a voice. Not a mean voice. Not the mean voices trying to hurt him. It was a comfort. Almost.

_I’m sorry Starscream. I am not right for here._

Starscream remembered pleading for the shuttle to stay. He pouted. He threw beakers and finally… he begged. But Skyfire had made his decision.

He remembered the shuttle giving him one last hug. One tight embrace. One last kiss on the helm.

He remembered the words leaving his vocalizer before the traitor left him.

 _I’ll always love you, Starscream_.

Starscream’s optics welled up again and he screamed profanities at nothing. He’d rather be angry than sad- at least with anger he could take it out on someone- on something.

He reeled up his servo, digits clawed into a fist as he drove it painfully into the bulkhead next to him, creating a sizable dent but nevertheless causing harm to himself.

That was fine. Pain was… a familiar thing to Starscream. Welcoming, almost.

He slummed back against the wall. He couldn’t force himself to gather the energy to drag himself to the berth. The cold, hard floor would do just fine.

 _Four million years. Four million years I was searching for you_. Starscream thought. _And just when I found you, you abandoned me._

He clutched his servo tightly in a fist. Certainly his digits were broken. But that didn’t stop him from slamming them on the ground. He’d rather feel that pain then anything in his Spark.

That was Orns ago. He’d encountered Skyfire several times since then. He graced the shuttle with presence in a recent raid. And Starscream- Air Commander and Second-in-Command of the Decepticon Army- couldn’t bring himself to shoot him.

Skyfire flew away without a word, expression unreadable. Starscream had simply hovered and stared.

Now, the Seeker flipped his helm back harshly against the wall as he whimpered. At this point, coolant flowed from his optics. He didn’t care enough to stop it. He couldn’t make the thoughts stop.

* * *

Megatron’s attention immediately shifted to the Air Commander as he slowly trudged into the room. He didn’t grace the Command Center with his presence, nor did he barrage Lord Megatron with sarcasm and insults.

His optics focused. The seeker, primus forbid, was sulking?

Megatron considered the emotional bouts that Starscream had been through. He remembered the determination when they had first discovered Skyfire- which had much to do with Starscream’s persistence to explore the Arctic anyway. He remembered the happiness of Starscream. The _lack_ of sarcasm, the lack of treachery. It was delicious. And yet, it wasn’t _his_ Starscream. He recalled from memory banks the way Starscream looked at the shuttle. Megatron may have had a callous past but he was not ignorant of love. And by primus Starscream was in love, even if he vehemently denied it. And yet, Megatron couldn’t help but feel a subtle anger rising in his systems.

Megatron remembered the day he left. He remembered watching silently as his Second-in-Command watched helplessly as the scientist left the _Nemesis_. He remembered his falling to his knees, staring at the airlock.

He let out a pained scream as he began firing his Null-Ray at the door, having waited long enough for Skyfire to be gone- and out of harms way. He punched the halls. Megatron’s spark fell and as he went to control the tantrum, he paused as Skywarp had teleported with Thundercracker to help their Trine Leader.

And now, he couldn’t help but feel sympathetic towards the normally boisterous seeker, who found himself sitting quietly in front of a monitor, completing reports without so much as a retort. He noticed that the seeker was much duller than usual. He must have stopped polishing hourly, a new symptom of the vain creature. Still, Megatron couldn’t approach him. Decepticons weren’t necessarily great at playing therapist.

* * *

Starscream idly typed at the reports.

Crew: Normal.

Energon Levels: As estimated.

His mind wandered elsewhere as his digits tapped away, subconsciously filling out the repetitive reports without so much as a thought process. The voices came back to torment him as he worked now.

_He was the only mech to ever love you._

_It’s all your fault._

_Disgusting._

His optics widened as he stopped his typing suddenly. The seeker looked around the center in a panic, but nobody had paid him any mind. Still, he felt intensely uncomfortable in a public area. Starscream’s attention shifted to the looming presence of Megatron, who had perched himself in his throne. By this point, Megatron had enamored himself with datapads, probably reading through the reports of Soundwave.

Starscream took advantage at the lapse of attention and dashed out of the room. He ran down the hallways with no care, heading straight for his quarters.

Megatron’s optics looked up as he saw the quick movements of a tri-colored mech. Then back to the empty chair Starscream had been at. Once again he debated his options, but ultimately bit his lip and kept to his duties.

* * *

Starscream slid back against the door of his quarters, crying out with a pain screen as he slammed himself into the entryway. His aft hit the floor painfully, a quick thud indicating the likelihood of a dent. He panted heavily. His systems were rather bleak, having only been running on 12% energon levels. He hadn’t refueled today. Or last cycle. He hadn’t polished, hadn’t washed. That was okay though. He didn’t deserve it.

The Air Commander shivered as he pressed his forehelm against his palms, closing them tightly. He banged it, begging it to stop. Begging the paranoia, the voices- to stop.

“I’m sorry.” He pleaded out to nothing as he kept banging.

He kept thinking to what more he could’ve done. Maybe it was his fault? He wasn’t good enough.

The voice agreed.

Starscream leaned back again, his optics dreary. He stared at his claws. He hadn’t been sharpening then. They, too, like his frame, looked dull from three cycle’s lack of polishing. He didn’t care though. He didn’t deserve it.

The voice, once again, agreed.

The thoughts loomed heavily on his processor. He tried to push thoughts into his central processor- recent thoughts, such as Skywarp getting stuck half-way in a wall. But nothing helped. It didn’t help the despair, the pain aching through his spark.

He cried out again in helplessness.

Here, in his private quarters, he could let weakness slip through. That’s what the deadly seeker told himself as he raised a claw to his forearm. He shivered as the tip, still sharp, danced against the armored crevasse, delicately touching the soft, exposed protometal beneath. He bit his lip and jabbed his own claw tip into the protometal. He let out a loud gasp as energon quickly leaked out of the wound. He retracted the claw.

He didn’t like the feeling, but it made the voices stop, if not temporarily.

* * *

Megatron had not approached Starscream about the abandonment of his shift. He didn’t feel the need to punish his Second when he appeared to be suffering already. However, the next cycle approached, and he still had no word from Starscream. He waited and waited.

This time, he had enough of an excuse to show up at the Seeker’s Quarters, at a completely reasonable time- halfway through the night.

He loomed outside the person quarters, rather intimidated. He had no problem threatening his subordinates, but approaching what little of a personal, private living space they had- it felt a bit _private_.

But Megatron wouldn’t let himself become intimidated. So he punched in the master-code for the quarters, overriding the private codes as he saw the door dispatch.

Without stepping in, he immediately saw the condition of the room visible from the doorframe; in considerable disarray- a lab table littered with broken glass and sodden materials.

Megatron slowly advanced, placing a sturdy black pede in the room. He heard a soft whimper and immediately looked to his lower left.

Starscream huddled in the corner of the berth and the wall, leaning by the door frame.

“L-leave.” He grunted, though his vocalizer didn’t hold much threat. He was shaky and weak.

Megatron realized he hadn’t left his quarters at all.

“Starscream.” He murmured, his vocalizer soft. He kneeled down to get a better look at the stubborn creature. But his spark dropped.

“Starscream.” He repeated. The weak, energon-depraved seeker simply lolled his head in defeat. His optics were dull. He looked over and noticed his broken digits. Then, he glanced at his wrists- caked with dried energon.

Megatron was no stranger to trauma, and recognized the self-inflicted wounds.

He stared at Starscream, optics locking on to each other. Starscream whimpered again as he shut his optics, attempting to hide the coolant forming in the corners.

Megatron said nothing. He’d waited long enough and even the gladiator couldn’t help but wince in sympathy as he scooped up the smaller frame in his arms, one holding his knees, the other around his neck. He clutched the seeker tightly against his chassis, unsure of what to say or what to do.

Starscream weakly protested but soon gave him, going limp in Megatron’s arms.

Megatron glanced at the state of the room, and sighed with discontent.

He quickly strode away, closing the door behind him. This time, he’d bring him to his own quarters.

* * *

Starscream’s optics slowly blipped open.

He shifted, realizing he was encapsuled in soft berth blankets- though not his own.

“You’re awake.”

He quickly turned to the sound, looking at the Warlord sat by his side.

“Where-“

“My quarters.”

Starscream sighed and slowly backed up, leaning against the back. His spark lifted at the comfort he felt, snuggled within the blankets. They smelled of him- like grease and gunmetal.

He let the sheets fall back, revealing his upper chassis and arms.

He looked over his servos and his wrists. They were clean, shiny even. Not polished to his standards, but he was thankful nonetheless.

Megatron remained watching over him carefully- protectively.

Starscream hadn’t the energy to argue or protest.

But he noticed that there weren’t any voices plaguing his processor.

His faceplates tinged with a pained, longing look.

“Thank you.” He said to Megatron.

The gunformer looked at him with a nod. “You hurt yourself.”

Starscream turned away in embarrassment.

“It- it helped.” He stuttered, choking on the words. He slowly began turning to a panic. “It helped the.. the voices.”

“Voices?”

Starscream choked out again as his optics began watering. _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid_.

“Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!” He repeated out loud as he banged his head against the wall again.

Megatron quickly called to him, rushing over to the side of his Second, sneaking onto the berth.

“Starscream!” He yelled, quickly cradling the seeker against his own chassis. “Starscream-“ He murmured again, running a claw across his face. The seeker’s optics wildly flickered, terrified. But his breathing began to steady, and his optics began to focus. Right on the face looming over him.

He looked up, helpless. “I can’t.. I.. It hurts.”

Megatron continued rubbing his cheek, and Starscream curled into the touch. His wings fluttered contentedly.

Megatron soothed him gently.

“You’re not stupid.” He reaffirmed.

Starscream blinked his optics to reset them.

He pursed his lips to begin to speak but soon caught his tongue and remained silent.

Megatron lifted an optical ridge at the gesture, and Starscream spoke. “Will you stay a while?”

The warlord nodded, and lifted Starscream up, careful of his wings as he slid down the berth, laying down flat. He settled the seeker on top of his chassis, and pulled a berth cover over them. Starscream nestled the top of his helm to the underside of Megatron’s chin.

He cooed softly in comfort.

Megatron lifted an arm to gently trail a claw down his back strut, between his wings. Starscream shuttered intensely.

“Lord Megatron?” His voice was uncharacteristically soft. “Please don’t leave.”

Megatron instinctively squeezed the seeker tighter to him, “Starscream, against my better wishes I’d never leave you.” He offered a soft chuckle, which seemed to ease the seeker’s tensions.

Seeing his Second so emotionally vulnerable and insecure was so… strange and sad to him.

Megatron leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of his Air Commander’s helm.

Starscream felt his cheek plates warming.

“Did you always care?”

Megatron rustled beneath him, his chassis expelling comfortable heat.

“Longer that I’d like to admit.”

He’d rather be damned than admit he was jealous.

“So you’re stuck with me?”

“Against my better judgement, I-“

“Do you like me?”

Megatron simply quieted.

Starscream quickly shuffled forward, his optics bright and a dumb smile on his face.

“You kissed me. Which means you like me or love me.”

Starscream got _really_ close in his personal space. Megatron looked a bit frightened even.

“Perhaps I like you.” Megatron finally spoke.

“And maybe I love you.” Starscream stared directly into his optics.

Megatron broke the silence. “Starscream I don’t think-“

“Nonsense.” Cut off with the slip of a hand. “I have been stuck with you long enough between the start of this war that maybe I did fall in love with you.”

Megatron smiled softly. “Is that so? Then perhaps being stuck in close proximity with you for four million years has tainted my processor because maybe I love you too.”

Megatron went to kiss his helm but was greeted with a rough grasp from servos and soft lips parting against his. “I wouldn’t ever leave you.” He breathed through the kiss. “But don’t hurt yourself like that again,” he warned. “I’m here.”

Starscream nodded solemnly. Skyfire, he still loved. But in a past memory. The voices- they stopped. He wasn’t alone. He wouldn’t be alone.

“Beautiful.” Megatron whispered as his lips ghosted over his neck lines.

Starscream melted into his touch. His optics lidding as he slunk down into his proper position, surrounded by warmth. He nuzzles affectionately into the larger mech, wings fluttering softly.

“Rest, Starscream. I’ll be here when you awaken.”

Starscream smiled. He kissed the chassis where his lips were hovering above.

“Love you.” He said quickly. Partially hoping Megatron wouldn’t hear but also hoping-

“I love you as well.”

Megatron continued to stroke his back as the seeker stirred silently, until he was recharging warmly on his chassis. This hadn’t been how he’d imagined the cycle- but it was so much better.

He curled tightly around the seeker, mindful of his wings- so that Starscream- _his_ Starscream, was comfortable and protected. After a few kliks of needless worrying, the Warlord found himself dozing off into a comfortable recharge.

And Starscream no longer heard the voices or the nightmares.

**Author's Note:**

> this was dark but it definitely served as an emotional gateway for me.   
> thanks for all ur support and please find me on discord or twitter if you ever wanna talk :D


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